I am delighted to be taking some online poetry lessons with Georgia Heard. Her first prompt was to begin a poem with "Give me back..." My draft is below. I would be happy for your constructive input.
Only once in my life have I seen water look as it did the night described, and I didn't get a photo of it. Frankly, I haven't seen any images as stunning as what I describe in my poem. The photo below approaches it in color and horizontal orientation so I decided to share it. I hope it works for you.
photo by Dean Hebert
Blue Homage
Give me back those few seconds
Just at dusk
In our battered old canoe
My hand dipping into the cool water
The paddle rough in my palm
You in the stern
Setting the rhythm
The very last beam of daylight
Hovered over the dark water
Sprinkling it with needles of
Brilliant neon blue
Millions of ripples
Like saints before an altar
Glimmering fervently
A stunning sight
A fleeting homage to the day
A splendor I cannot forget
If only you had seen it…
© Karen Eastlund
Poetry Friday is hosted by Carol Varsalona today. Please click in at Beyond Literacy Link and follow the links for many wonderful poetic offerings.
Also, I think you'll enjoy my recent post, the first in series of family stories about my Grandpa Otto's Cafe.
https://kceastlund.blogspot.com/2020/09/velkommen-til-otto-evensons-cafe.html
That picture is quite amazing, Karen, & the prompt that brought you to writing the poem is fun & your poem shows me some hints to imagine that awesome scene in now your mind's eye! I love that scene setting, "and dipping into the cool water
ReplyDeleteThe paddle rough in my palm
You in the stern
Setting the rhythm" & that you're writing with Georgia!
Thanks, Linda... I am happy to learn from her...
DeleteEnjoy your workshop. I think this photo is remarkable, so many colors! Your poem puts us there on the water, especially love the second verse. I just took a workshop with Georgia and Rebecca and found their suggestions for revision very helpful. Enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI love the image in your poem. Enjoy your workshop with Georgia. I took a couple of ones with her years ago and loved them.
ReplyDeleteKaren, first of all you may be full of joy for learning alongside Georgia. One of these days when I am settled in Virginia, I would love to do that. This line strikes me as inspirational: A fleeting homage to the day. Your poem is filled with gorgeous visuals like: "Sprinkling it with needles of/Brilliant neon blue." I think you are definitely on the right track with this poem.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is lovely! I was trying to figure out the facts of what happened. To me, I'm assuming the narrator is thinking to someone who is gone, someone much loved. So was it a true memory in the first stanza, or is was she just imagining the other person there in the stern, as that person was already gone? OR was the person there, but just didn't take in the beauty of the moment in the same way the narrator did? Because so much rests on that surprising ending, as a reader, I want to know exactly what the assumed reality was and now what the real reality is once that ending is revealed. If that makes any sense!
ReplyDeleteLaura: Thank you for your question, I've been trying to decide if I should make that clearer. My husband was in the stern, but for some reason he did not see the water light up as I did. We had started back to our cabin, I didn't say anything when I saw the blue because I knew it would interrupt our rhythm and I was a little anxious about being on an unfamiliar lake so late. When we got back I asked, he had not seen it. How can I relay all that? I considered: Were you stargazing?
DeleteBreathtaking, Karen - the slow, peaceful canoe ride, "togetherness" - I can feel the water on my hand - above all, these lines strike me about the last of the light: "Like saints before an altar/Glimmering fervently." They capture the inherent holiness of light, time, creation, existence ... a 'be still and know' moment. Magnificently rendered.
ReplyDelete