Friday, May 21, 2021

Poem Revision

I took Irene Latham's revision class a few weeks ago. It was excellent, just as I suspected it would be.  So... with a her advice in mind, and a poem I wrote in 2014, I went to work.  Here is my revision... I'm still monkeying with it, but I sense progress. 


Image by ykaiavu from Pixabay


Sweet Abyss

        

Like a bear 

snuffles for honey

I lumber 


sniffing

drooling

honing in


pining

growling

finally 


falling

deeply

heavily


 blissfully

oblivious

in


sweet

dense

sleep



August 2014, revised May '21

KE



Congratulations today to Mary Lee Hahn, an extraordinary educator and poet who inspires us all. My best to you, Mary Lee. Enjoy your retirement! Write more poetry! 

It's Poetry Friday again! The weeks seem to speed by. Find the Poetry Friday gang today at 
Christie Wyman's Wondering & Wandering.  Thanks for hosting, Christie, and thanks for sharing some of Mary Lee's poems. 



Sending good wishes to all, especially teachers and students who will be winding up a year.









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8 comments:

  1. Irene LathamMay 21, 2021 at 8:12 AM

    Dear Karen, this is BEAUTIFUL! I love all the space you gave the poem to breathe, so we can bring this bear into our hearts. Brava! (And I'm so glad you found the class useful!! Thank you for your kind words.) xo

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  2. Denise KrebsMay 21, 2021 at 9:49 AM

    Nice, Karen, Yes, as Irene said, I love the space too. It's almost as if the bear is drifting off, like when we are reading before bed and getting oblivious to the plot before falling in full.

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  3. author amokMay 21, 2021 at 4:20 PM

    Those "ing" words seem to stretch... like a sleepy bear. I love your last three lines.

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  4. Linda BMay 21, 2021 at 11:14 PM

    I think I might enjoy that "blissfully oblivious" sleep myself, Karen! With the sweet bear pic & the sweetest honey, this is a marvelous "draft" as you seem to say.

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  5. TabathaMay 22, 2021 at 5:39 AM

    Your poem (and the fact that I am under-sleeped) makes me wish I had a whole poetry anthology about sleep to read when I am having insomnia. "Sweet Abyss" is right!

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  6. Linda MitchellMay 22, 2021 at 7:33 AM

    I so enjoyed Irene's session as well. I am fired up to dig into some revision. I've tinkered just a bit. But, I'm hoping that when school's out I can really make some progress. I love your bear! the space gives the feeling of time moving slowly, like a bear. Well done!

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  7. RuthMay 23, 2021 at 11:12 AM

    Delicious!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Michelle Heidenrich BarnesMay 23, 2021 at 4:11 PM

    What a wonderful poem, Karen! You're making magic.

    ReplyDelete

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